Old Fart Football

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man breaks wind and says, 'Goal.' 

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' 

The old man replied, 'its fart football.' 

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'One each, scores tied”....' 

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
'Aha. I'm ahead 2 to 1.' 

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 
'2- 2, scores tied.' 

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 
' I lead 3 to 2.' Now the pressure is on the old man 

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. 
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally shits himself in the bed. 

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?' 

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides