A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.

Getting There
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore.

Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water.                                                     

You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend.

The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests. 
The Hotel
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery.

Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children.

Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others.

But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar.

We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self. 
The Restaurant
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting.

At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you. 
Your Room
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat.

Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! ..                           

You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used

only by pederasts. 
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition.

If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her.    She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers. 
Above All
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

Note : Is very amusing however, I always tell others we should happy for them and their courage to try to learn other languages, we even cannot speak their own language well !!
Just like a Frenchman speak English, it's sound so sexy !